


I Will Never Let you Go

by Assbuts_in_221B



Series: Reunited [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angsty Schmoop, Comforting Steve Rogers, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hugging, Hurt James "Bucky" Barnes, M/M, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, post winter soldier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-28
Updated: 2015-05-28
Packaged: 2018-04-01 16:33:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4026988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Assbuts_in_221B/pseuds/Assbuts_in_221B
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a year of searching for his best friend, Steve finally finds Bucky only to be rejected. Determined to not lose Bucky again, Steve goes after him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Will Never Let you Go

**Author's Note:**

> This is in beta'd so if there are any mistakes leave a comment and I'll change it, thanks.

It had become a regular thing. 

Walking into the museum and straight to the Captain America section. Bucky would spend hours watching the videos of Steve and supposedly himself. They were laughing and happy and Bucky felt a familiar feeling each time he watched it on repeat. He'd walk over to the where all the models of the Howling Commandoes were. He'd stare at them with his hands in his pockets, his baseball cap with the hood up and his stubble. Most of his memories had come back, he knew who he was and who Steve was and who everyone else in the Howling Commandoes was and he remembered glimpses of Peggy and Howard. But he couldn't go back to Steve. Steve would never forgive Bucky for what he did to him. As much as Bucky remembered about all the good times he'd had, he also remembered everything bad that he'd done. He remembered training young girls to become lethal assassins like him. Steve was probably with the avengers having a great time and not even thinking about Bucky. 

Steve had searched a year for Bucky, following any lead he got. He'd left dozens of men for death after beating them after not supplying any information on the Winter Soldier. He'd got nowhere, no one had seen or heard of the Winter Soldier in months. Steve never gave up, he'd go all around the world. 

It was after that year of searching when Sam and Nat told him that Bucky just didn't want to be found. 

"But, I can't just forget him. I need something to remember him by." Steve wiped a stray tear from his cheek and grabbed the keys to his bike.

He rolled up at the museum. Pulling his hood over his head, he walked inside. His feet were tripping over themselves as he approached the video of him and his best friend. He stood there, rocking on the heels of his feet, a few tears navigating down his face. He missed Bucky so goddamn much and this was pretty much all he got to remember him by, all of the photos Steve kept of Bucky were destroyed in the ice. He smiled at Bucky's laugh on the tape, thinking how happy they were together. 

Ambling up to the Howling Commandoes sections after forcing himself to look away from the video, he passed a man. He was looking at his feet as he solemnly shuffled to the exit of the museum. "Shit." Steve murmured. 

Steve was really going crazy now he's imagining men as Bucky. But he saw his face, he could never forget Bucky's face. 

Steve tried to be as stealthy as possible, making sure not to draw attention to himself. Facing away every time the man suspiciously turned around. 

The man was standing outside the door of the museum when he spoke, turning around at the same time. 

"Who are you, and why are you following me?" His eyes widened in disbelief. "Stevie?"

"Hey, Buck." Steve couldn't believe it, after all this time Bucky was in New York, his home. Steve approached him, he was really god damn nervous but his heart was swelling. A year he'd spent leaving dead bodies everywhere he went, determined to find his best friend. Making sure he was safe. All the times he sat their clutching Bucky's HYDRA dossier, crying and whispering that he was gonna save him. He was finally standing in front of him. The lump in his throat strangled his voice, "I thought you were dead." 

"No." Bucky shook his head. "Steve I'm so sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't-" He snuffled as he span around and ran off before finishing his sentence. 

"Bucky!" Steve starting sprinting after him, determined he was never going to lose him again. Steve's hood came off his head in the process of running and he was surrounding in a flurry of people. 

"Look! It's Captain America."

"Can I get my picture with you?"

"You're such a hero."

"Wow, he's so hot even in real life."

There were so many people all crowding round him. He tried peeking his head over the top of them, but Bucky was long gone. 

"God bless America." Steve said with a salute and a fake smile as an attempt to please the crowd before he sprinted the opposite direction to his bike. 

Going way over the speed limit, Steve was determined to not let Bucky go. The only place he knew Bucky would be was the apartment, their apartment. 

Creeping up the steps he arrived at the door finding it ajar. A wave of emotion passed through him as he pushed open the door and entered their apartment. 

Following the sound of suppressed sobs, Steve made his way to their bedroom. 

Steve clenched his jaw at the sight of Bucky sitting on their bed, his head in his hands, gulping in air between his cries. 

"Buck?" Steve took a hesitant footstep towards the bed. Bucky looked up and met Steve's gaze with his puffy eyes. 

"Why did you follow me here?" His voice was clipped. Bucky stood up and tried to push past Steve through the doorway. Steve's strong hand pressed against Bucky's chest, reusing him to proceed. 

"I didn't, I just assumed the one place you'd go back to is here." He smoothed his hand from Bucky's chest to his shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze, "our home." 

Glancing at his shoulder, Bucky furrowed his eyebrows. Steve removed his arm realising that it was making Bucky uncomfortable. "You alright, Buck?"

"Yes, it's just been awhile since I've been shown affection." A smile up at Steve made him return his arm to Bucky's shoulder. 

"I'm not letting you go again, Buck. I'm not making that mistake again." 

Bucky fell to his knees and Steve was their to catch him, leaving both of them kneeling on the floor. 

"But how? How do you still want to be with me?" As Steve invaded Bucky's space, he rubbed his back, comforting him. "After what... what I did to- to you?" A wrecked cry escaped Bucky's lip as the memories of nearly killing Steve filled his mind. 

"That wasn't you Bucky." Steve hushed him as he started tracing patterns on his back with his forefinger. 

"HOW CAN YOU TRUST ME?" Bucky's scream turned into another sob as he pressed his face into the crook of Steve's neck, wetting the fabric with his tears. Steve realised then that Bucky never wanted to be found by Steve because he was trying to protect him. Bucky had ran away at the museum because he didn't have the faith in himself that he could keep Steve safe and and not hurt him. 

One of Steve's hand grappled onto Bucky's hoodie to keep his shaking body upright and the other held the back of his head, rubbing his hand up and down his hair. "The Bucky I know would never hurt me. Not my Bucky" 

"But that's not true though is it. I almost killed you, Steve. What if-"

"Shh, it's okay Bucky." Steve cut him off, keeping Bucky's mind from wandering off to dark places. "I've said it once and I'll say it again, that wasn't you Buck."

"But-" Bucky lifted his head to look into Steve's eyes again.

"No, say it Bucky. You can't live with the guilt of something you didn't do, I won't let" 

"I can't, Steve." Brunette hair fell over Bucky's face.

Steve tucked the hairs behind Bucky's ear and cupped his face. "Yes you can, I trust you and you need to trust to trust yourself."

"It wasn't-" Bucky exhaled and looked down and murmured, "it wasn't me." 

Steve smiled and rubbed along Bucky's jaw with his thumb, "Jesus Buck, when's the last time you shaved?" Laughing, he pulled Bucky back into a hug and snaked his arms underneath Bucky's shoulder. When he felt strong arms fling themselves around his neck and pull themselves closer, he rested his head against Bucky's shoulder.

"I never thought I'd be able to hug you again, Buck." Steve confessed, murmuring into his shoulder. 

"Me neither." There was a comfortable silence between two best friends as they hugged. "I'm sorry I left, Steve. I really am."

"Sh it's okay, Buck." Steve rubbed circles on Bucky's back. "We're here now." 

Time didn't matter to them, who knows how long they spent embracing each other. Bucky relishing at the endearment he'd been deprived of for so long. For the first time in a long time, Bucky felt safe, and so did Steve.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like this, it's part of a series I'm starting where I will continue this story :)


End file.
